Rogue Belador Read online

  Well, that fucked his only plan. Tzader snarled, "Why not?"

  "She doesn't like the dragon any more than Queen Maeve does. Always remember one rule about Macha. Regardless of who she steps over to get what she wants, she will always put herself ahead of everyone and everything."

  "How is it that you know so much about two goddesses?"

  Ceartas looked away as if weighing his answer, then shook off whatever thought had come to him. "The dragon will answer all your questions. He is the one who knows most about Macha and Maeve. Free him, and you'll learn truths you have never been told. Truths about Macha that she has hidden for centuries. She will not be bothered if Brina loses her memories forever. Don't mistake Macha for a benevolent goddess. She has survived all this time by being just as ruthless as Queen Maeve. She won't allow anyone to get in her way. Not you and not Brina. And do not forget that if you fail to save Brina, the dragon will do nothing to help the Beladors."

  Tzader didn't need that spelled out any simpler.

  For whatever reason, Ceartas believed Macha was as much a threat to Brina as the Medb.

  Or did this dream walker consider Macha the greater threat?

  Ceartas's gaze narrowed until he peered out through slits. "Do you believe Macha cares whether you and Brina remain together?"

  "Answering anything but yes would show a lack of loyalty to my goddess."

  A sad smile appeared on Ceartas' face. "I know the answer. I asked you so that you might find the answer for yourself. If Macha felt any compassion for either of you, she would not have kept you apart for four years. She is a master of manipulation."

  The truth of this stranger's words stabbed Tzader deeply. Hadn't he questioned that time and again? But Macha always found ways to turn Tzader's questions back on him.

  Tzader suffered a shaft of self-disgust. What kind of warrior allowed a stranger to undermine his belief?

  But in truth, Tzader would never allow that. Never had. Months of frustrated circling around the goddess and her twisted words had done that foul job long before this warrior ever appeared. Ceartas only echoed Tzader's own inner worries. Ones he'd shoved into the background in the name of duty and honor.

  He'd done his duty for four long years while Macha had allowed a ward to separate him and Brina. Had Macha offered any help for them during that time? No. The goddess had manipulated Brina into pretending she intended to marry one of her guards.

  Then when Tzader faced her with that truth, she'd turned the tables and made it seem as though Tzader had shirked his duty.

  Macha was an expert at manipulation.

  So maybe the better question Tzader should ask himself was what kind of warrior continued to follow blindly without questioning things he knew in his heart to be wrong?

  He had never taken his Belador oath lightly. But now he had one goal first and foremost, and that goal would never change. Save the woman he loved, even if he died doing it.

  He had to accept the truth of what Ceartas said, and reserve the rest for when he had more information.

  The whole thing would be easier if someone else could vouch for this man's word.

  "Our business is concluded," Ceartas announced. "I will find you, or Brina, again when necessary. And I'll know if you tell Macha anything about me, the dragon, or our conversation. You may not believe me, but I'm not telling you to hold a confidence on this to tie your hands. I'm saving you from Macha's wrath." He paused, looking away as if in thought again, then turned to Tzader. "I've debated telling you one more thing, but I feel it is something you deserve to know. If you don't return Brina's memories, Macha will expect Brina to marry immediately. Within days."

  Would Macha really do that? How the hell could this man know in such detail what the goddess would do? "Macha might toss me out, but I don't see her acting that quickly. She'll have to at least offer the pretense of giving Brina a chance to ... become involved with someone else." Tzader almost choked on the words.

  For the first time, Ceartas seemed to labor over his next words. When he spoke, his voice filled with compassion. "Macha will have to act soon. Brina carries the next Treoir heir."

  Shock stole Tzader's breath.

  He took a step toward the warrior. "The Medb cannot be privy to this information. How can you know this?"

  Ceartas hesitated, then said, "I cannot yet reveal to you precisely how I know, but to ease your mind I will say only that when Brina comes to the dream realm, I sense the presence of the new life within her."

  Tzader ran his hand over his face, processing the implications. That was vague as all hell, but Tzader would likely have more luck cutting this guy's head open and dipping the answers out than by asking for more.

  Ceartas nodded. "The fact that you were not aware of the pregnancy means Brina has not told you. The only reason she would not have told you is that Macha is blocking Brina's awareness in some way to prevent her from recognizing the changes in her body, which means Brina doesn't know either. Beyond the drain of the Noirre, that's part of why she's sleeping so much. I have just shared what Macha hides from you. Is it so hard to accept the other truths I've told you?"

  "I don't know what to think," Tzader said, clenching his clammy hands.

  "Decide quickly, or all will be lost." Ceartas moved backwards. As he did, his face and hands became translucent until he vanished.

  Tzader stared in disbelief.

  Brina was pregnant?

  He and Brina had made love in the dream realm two months ago, before he found out there were real consequences to actions taken here. Her breasts had felt fuller. She slept all the time.

  Was she carrying his baby?

  Is she carrying someone else's baby--someone she met dream walking but doesn't even remember?

  What kind of asshole am I?

  Brina might not be able to grasp her memories, but she knew Tzader every time they touched in the dream realm. No matter what state her mind was in, she'd never give herself to anyone for less than love, and deep inside she loved him. Fear for her safety and future was twisting him into an emotional pretzel. It was his baby.

  Their baby.

  Tzader looked at the red scale humming with power in his hand. He held the evidence he needed to end all debate, because the minute he went after the dragon without Macha's authorization, Tzader would be breaking his vows.

  Especially if Macha hates this dragon.

  Now he just had to return to the castle and figure out what the hell he would say to Brina. Sitting down, he closed his eyes and began the process Lanna had taught him for releasing his hold on the dream realm.

  A pain clenched his chest and yanked with enough power to pull him apart. He grabbed at his chest where the ache ripped though him with sharp teeth.

  "Tzader!" boomed in his mind.

  His eyes rolled up in his head and he let go.

  Chapter 7

  Tzader curled in on himself, trying to ease the gut-wrenching agony of hurtling between different dimensions. His head should explode from the pressure building inside it from changing realms so quickly.

  That couldn't have been his doing. He'd never had any trouble returning from the dream world. A woman had shouted his name in his mind.

  Not Brina or Lanna, which meant it had to be ... Macha.

  When everything stopped spinning, he opened his eyes. He was lying flat on the window-seat bed and staring at the ornately painted ceiling of Brina's sunroom in Treoir Castle. Made it again. He swallowed against his dry mouth and dragged in a deep breath. One day, his body would pay for the punishment he'd been putting it through for the past two months.

  Tough shit. He had no time to waste. His body would just have to keep up.

  Sitting up, he searched for Brina first. She stood ten feet away. When he leaned to his right, he found Lanna and Macha on the other side of the room.

  He'd have only a moment before he had to deal with the goddess, so he jumped up and stepped over to Brina.

  She backed away.


  Macha called out, "How long did you think you would keep me in the dark, Tzader?"

  No good answer for that. He spoke softly to Brina. "Please. I can help you remember." When she leaned forward, he grabbed her wrist.

  She tugged it back, but he tightened his hold so she couldn't pull free. The confusion in her face broke his heart. He opened her hand and clamped the dragon's scale between their palms.

  Energy shot up his arm.

  It must have done the same to Brina. Her eyes blinked quickly as if her mind raced through thoughts, then her gaze sharpened. "Tzader ... you and I, I remember ... "

  He kissed her quickly and whispered, "Don't give up on me. I'll be back. While I'm gone, keep this and show it to no one." He hoped like hell that Lanna was doing something subtle to keep Macha from overhearing.

  "I will not be ignored by you, Tzader Burke," Macha demanded. "Come here and face me."

  To buy even a few seconds, he said, "I'm coming, Macha. I would never ignore you. I just need a moment to regain my bearings." When he spoke to Brina, he lowered his voice again. "Do you know why you sleep so much?"

  Her eyes brightened. "Oh, Tzader, I ... uh." Her face clouded and she mumbled, "I forgot what I was about to say."

  Damn. "It's okay, muirnin. Just do as I ask and don't cross Macha. I'll be back soon." He sure as hell hoped so. "But for right now, play along, please? Pretend you still don't know me and don't remember what we are to one another." That got a frown out of her. "Trust me, love?"

  Finally Brina nodded, and he released her hand, which killed him. He had no idea if he'd ever have a chance to touch her again, but if he still breathed, he would move anything in his path until he did.

  He strode over to Macha.

  The best barometer of his reception would be Lanna, and she couldn't look any more worried if she tried.

  Tzader went on the offensive. "I have something to tell you, Macha, and we don't have a--"

  "You want to tell me the truth now that I've figured it out?"

  Ah, hell. "I told you I was doing everything in my power to--"

  "Lie and deceive me. Yes, I realize that."

  Tzader would not blow his stack with Macha. Getting in the face of a goddess would be a short conversation. He'd wake up in either another realm forever or some godforsaken hole in the human world.

  Taking a deep breath, he considered his options. Maintaining the false dialogue cover that he and Lanna had created to keep Macha off Brina's back was no longer on the table.

  That left coming clean ... which made the most sense in the interest of time. "I admit I may not have been entirely honest in my dealing with this situation, but--"

  "Your time is up," Macha announced with a chill that, knowing her power, might just freeze the castle.

  If she'd let him finish one freakin' sentence he might be able to diffuse this situation. "Give me a chance to explain, Macha."

  "There is no explanation for such dishonorable actions."

  This was taking a deadly turn if she decided he'd already broken his code of honor. The Belador vows were about not taking a life without acceptable cause, treating others in a dishonorable way, placing the tribe at risk through betrayal, or failing to come to the aid of a Belador.

  About acting with honor in all situations.

  Not for misleading a goddess with unrealistic expectations in the face of all Brina was up against. What about Macha's actions? How was she behaving honorably? Any other man would have done the same in his shoes. No one had been harmed with his and Lanna's subterfuge.

  He'd only pissed off Macha. He had not committed some heinous betrayal.

  Not yet.

  Macha said, "Brina, please wait for me in your private quarters."

  He turned to Brina, who looked close to arguing. Tzader gave a tiny shake of his head and mouthed I love you. Do this for me.

  Brina's face flattened into one of calm acceptance. She said, "Yes, Macha."

  Macha's eyes glowed a bright hazel, a subtle sign she was close to pitching a catastrophic hissy fit. "Before you leave, Brina, tell Tzader who you are and if you have any plans to marry him."

  Brina hesitated for only a split second before she gave Macha a small frown and asked, "Who?"

  Macha's smile took on epic proportions. "This is Tzader Burke, one of our Belador warriors."

  Tzader started to correct her and add that he was the Maistir over the North American Beladors, but he no longer held that position. He'd handed it over to Quinn so he could come here to be with Brina.

  "Oh," Brina said, then turned to Tzader. "As a Belador, you should know who I am, Brina of Treoir, warrior queen over the Beladors." Cocking her chin indignantly, she added, "I have no plans to marry anyone, and when I do, it will be someone I love. Not a stranger."

  She walked out of the room.

  He'd asked her to play along and keep Macha content, but hearing those words shredded his insides. The minute the power of that dragon scale ran out, Brina might mean everything she'd just said.

  Tzader ran a hand over his head and shook with the need to kill something. Not now. He had to calm down and ask Macha's permission to hunt a cure for Brina. If he got that agreement out of her, he'd still be upholding his end of the deal with Ceartas.

  The minute that dragon scale had worked, Tzader's mind was set. He was going after a dragon throne.

  "Nothing to say for yourself, Tzader?" Macha chided.

  His gaze bumped into Lanna's, and she barely moved her head in a careful side-to-side motion, warning him. He couldn't address her right now, not with the goddess on a tear. "Yes, I have something to say, Macha."

  "This should be good."

  "I've been busting my ass, with Lanna's help, to figure out how to return Brina's memories." Macha opened her mouth but he kept talking without a break, to avoid her interrupting again.

  "But the truth is that Brina has made no headway. In fact, she's getting worse."

  "I knew it," Macha said, biting out each word.

  "Then you should also know that there is more at stake than the two of us marrying. Brina being whole is our first priority."

  Waving a hand, Macha made a pfft sound. "You had your chance to commit Brina to marriage, and you failed."

  "You're not listening to me. Brina is losing more of herself every day. You can toss me out of here--"

  "I fully plan on it."

  "--but you can't just pawn her off on another male."

  "Don't think to tell me what I can and cannot do, Tzader."

  "Damn it, Macha!" he roared.

  Warning flared in her gaze. The building shook as if a volcano tried to erupt from beneath the foundation. "If not for the vow I gave your father that provided your immortality, I would remove your head from your shoulders. Challenge me again and I will do so regardless, and your father would support me if he still lived."

  He wasn't through with Macha. "Kill me, and you'll still lose any hope of an heir."

  "You may have been the man Brina loved once, but she's forgetting you. She'll move on. A man of honor would allow her to do so."

  He locked his jaws so tightly his teeth should be crumbling. He should just gain Macha's consent to pursue a solution to Brina's problem and get going on it, but Ceartas had gotten through to Tzader and now Tzader had to know, "What'd you do? Compel Brina to be at peace with no memories and to not worry about anything?"

  Lanna's eyes widened.

  He shouted, "You did, didn't you, Macha?"

  "I answer to no one, and I allow no one to raise his voice to me twice. Don't push me, Tzader."

  "Oh, I see. You think that guard Brina pretended to be interested in before I breached the ward is going to just step in again? Even if you compel Brina to fall in love with Allyn--" Tzader had to catch his breath at the real possibility that Macha would do that. "Brina won't know even him in another three days. She'll turn into a body with no mind."

  That got Macha's attention, but did nothing to remove the firm look on
her face. "I'm tired of your games, Tzader, and of repeating myself. You wanted a chance. You got it and you're done. Move on."

  Now what could he say? Tzader considered how far out on a limb he'd already crawled, and had nothing to go back to if this didn't work. "I think I may know how to help her."

  "Give it up, Tzader. Allow her to live her life."

  "Give up on Brina? On us? No. Never."

  Macha's eyes narrowed. "This is the problem with you, especially in recent years. Being Macha's husband would require you to defer to me just as Brina does, but you constantly fight me at every turn. Treoir history has been dictated by necessity to retain the power, not by foolish emotions. Your actions prove you think only about your own emotional needs. I, on the other hand, have to consider everyone and especially continuing the Treoir dynasty."

  What the hell? Tzader could hear Ceartas saying 'I told you so'. He went for the last gamble he had. "What if Brina is already pregnant with my child? We made love in the dream world."

  "She's not," Macha said, dismissing the possibility with no consideration at all.

  He believed in his heart that Brina did carry his baby. "Allow her nine months to be sure she's not pregnant."

  Lanna's eyes couldn't get any wider. She looked close to exploding with the need to say something.

  Macha waved away the request. "We can't keep waiting. I'd know if she was pregnant and she would, too. Has she told you she is?"

  "No."

  "Then she isn't."

  "Why won't you allow her to wait even four months?" She'd be showing plenty by then.

  "I'll leave Brina and Allyn to work out their future."

  What? Tzader saw red. If Macha was blocking Brina from even realizing she was pregnant--and Tzader believed she was--then the goddess would absolutely compel Brina to believe she carried another man's child, and she'd also compel someone pliable like Allyn to raise it with Brina.

  Tzader shouted, "What are you going to do? Compel Allyn to rape Brina when she turns into a vegetable?"

  That was as close as anyone had ever come to verbally slapping Macha that Tzader knew of, and he'd known her a long time.

  "Get out of my sight," she warned in a low voice that rocked the walls. "You are banished from Treoir. Never return."

  "I'm not leaving until I talk to you about--"

  Macha whipped her arms out wide and roared an unearthly sound.